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Dirty dishes piling up. Clothes left in the washing machine. Music blasted until 2 am. We all have our bad days, but what do you do when you realize your housemate has the hygiene standards of a grubby teenager – particularly after you’ve signed a one-year lease?

To avoid a nasty showdown, you’ve so far been putting up with your roomie’s antisocial friends and love for food of the two-minute-noodle variety. Fear not: there are other ways out of this uncomfortable (and unsanitary) situation.

These are your five best options for getting the housemate from hell to leave of their own accord. No messy confrontation required.

1. Master the art of the passive-aggressive note.

Become an expert in angry letter writing. Then leave these poetic masterpieces on your housemate’s bedroom door. Aim for one a day for at least two months. We all know how effective this method is. Especially with mature young adults who respond well to criticism.

2. Give them a taste of their own sloppiness.

Dealing with a particularly filthy roommate? Two can play at that game. Start leaving your dirty socks in unexpected places – under a pile of university books or inside a cereal box. As a bonus, this provides hours of entertainment as a game of cat and mouse.

3. Suddenly develop great taste in music.

Play Mariah Carey’s entire back catalog on repeat. At full volume. All day long. If nothing else, this is an effective method of drowning out your housemate’s excellent music choices. We highly recommend the album Daydream. What a masterpiece.

4. Throw out all their instant noodles.

Every last packet. Because hell hath no fury like a hungry university student scorned.

5. If all else fails, be an adult about it.

You could, you know, consider talking to them in a calm, non-confrontational way. Although it’s probably not worth the effort. Any attempt to ask why they haven’t washed their bed sheets in six months is pretty much doomed from the beginning. Now get back to writing that passive aggressive note.

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